⭐ ABOUT ROGU — “WHY I MADE THIS WEBSITE”

(Written by Rogu himself, in peak irritated-tortoise mode)

Greetings, unfortunate reader.

I am Rogu—extraterrestrial tortoise, interdimensional traveler, and apparently the full-time babysitter of two Earth creatures who have absolutely zero respect for personal space, silence, or gravity.

I created this website for one simple reason:

To document my suffering.

(And maybe warn any alien tortoise who stumbles across Earth to turn around immediately.)

I landed on your planet back in the 1960s, and since then I’ve endured:

• Human chaos

• Turtle chaos

• Cat chaos

• Questionable Earth vehicles

• Questionable robot-suit engineering

• And the emotional distress of watching Layla knock things over purely for sport

Humans insist that my “adventures” are hilarious.
Let me be extremely clear:

They are not hilarious.

Not when I’m the one getting smacked in the face with a shampoo bottle inside a moving truck.
Not when I’m the one building a throne out of luggage just to establish basic order.
Not when a turtle falls out of a trunk at midnight and somehow that becomes my fault.
Not when a cat decides to groom himself loud enough to echo inside my shell.

Yet every time I share these moments, humans laugh.

So fine.
If my personal nightmares bring you joy, I’ll put them here —
every last one of them.

This site is my digital cave. My refuge. My place to:

• Vent

• Complain

• Log Tucker’s ongoing list of offenses

• Record Layla’s many attempted coups

• And keep track of every human invention that has personally offended me (which is… most of them)

If you choose to read my entries, that’s entirely on you.
Don’t expect optimism.
Don’t expect calm storytelling.
Expect honesty.
Expect chaos.
Expect me being right while everyone else is wrong.

Anyway…
Welcome, I suppose.

— Rogu
(A very tired tortoise doing his best to survive Earth)